Dugay-dugay na sad na wala ko nagsulti ug bisaya.   Di man gani ko kahinumdum kung kanus-a ko nagsulat sa bisaya.  Lisud baya uy.   Taas (Dako?) kaayo ang temtasyon nga mag-ingles na lang. 

Luoy baya ang akong mga anak.  Dili pa gihapon kabalo mag-istorya sa tagalog o bisaya.  Lisod makapangita ug libro nga tagalog, asa na lang kaha kung bisaya.  Wala pa nako gisulayan and Miramesa library pero basin sila naay pipila ka libro.   Hay, basta pag-uli nako muagto gyud ko ug National Bookstore or Powerbooks.

Murag kani lang ang akong kaya.  Ang akong huna-huna gakapa-kapa. 

(Switch to Tagalog)

Baka mas madali.  Nahihirapan akong makahanap ng tamang salita sa Bisaya.  Nakakapanibago.  Nakakagulintang.  Una kong lengwahe ang Bisaya at lumaki akong ito ang gamit sa araw-araw.

(Switch to English)

It’s amazing how 2 years of speaking minimal to nil of Filipino turns me into nothing but a tongue-twisted Pinay.   I really wish I had the consistency and patience to teach my children my mother tongue.   Yet the lack of patience defeats the wanting.   Like always.   I wonder how helpful our 2 weeks in the Philippines this April will be.   I’m sure majority of those talking to my children will willingly revert to English when speaking with them.   We shall see.

I was leafing through the application document for Report of Marriage.   I had a similar document from the Philippine Consulate in San Francisco and NOT surprisingly, the Consulate in LA had a different form AND different requirements.  Hmm.

What was surprising though was the following text:

In general, divorces between Filipinos are not honored, wherever the decree isobtained. However, in the case of mixed marriages e.g. between Filipinos andforeigners, Philippine law would allow a divorced Filipino to re‑marry, if the alienspouse initiated the divorce proceedings.

Does this sound fair?  It struck me as unfair yet on the otherhand, as a Filipino you are still bound to follow the laws of your mother country regardless of where you are.   In that regard, it does seem only fair if you need to follow the same laws as any other Filipino.  But what about in situations of marital abuse?  You’re throwing out a second chance at marriage if you’re the Filipino seeking divorce of your present marriage.  ”You can beat the crap out of me but can you file divorce in case I want to marry again?!?!” Did Rustom and Carmina deal with this?!?! (Showbiz!!)

But then again, marital abuse is pervasive in the Philippines yet divorce law is repeatedly thrown out of the legislative windows.   What’s the likelihood of it ever being allowed in the Philippines?  Pag puti na ang uwak.  

There’s less energy and time required when you opt to keep your maiden name.

It was wishful thinking to think that my I’m done and over with name changes.  Travel, and name changes doesn’t really blend well together especially when you’re transitioning from maiden name to married name.   My travel documents are still in my maiden name while my green card is in my married name.   So when my husband books our flight to Germany under my maiden name, (you guess it right!) there’s bound to be some conflict.   So now I need to amend my passport, my mileage card while applying for a visa (under my old or new name, who knows?)   

Once, when I travelled under my maiden name but when asked for an ID I was unable to produce an ID that was still in my maiden name.  I had to step aside and go though extra security measures.  Meaning:  taking of my shoes wasn’t enough,  I had to empty my bag unceremoniously and I was “searched.”  Because, this is America, a female security officer methodically run her hands through my body searching for items that will link me to a terrorist group.  Pretty hysterical.

Almost 1.5 years after getting married, I still hesitate when asked to write my middle name.  In the Philippines, your middle name is your maiden family name whereas in the US, it’s your “second name” (Michelle, in my case).   I’m sure, I’ve used both one time or the other and that is bound to hunt me down for “Name Change, Part 3″

April 2006 marked my first year here in the US.  It’s amazing how fast time fleets.  In the past year, I’ve become a wife, a mother of three (before of 2) and a full-pledged (uh) domestic manager.  I learned how to ski and love it.   I now cook more than 2 dishes (my last count is 7 dishes — up by 5!!!) 

On the otherhand, I still don’t water my husband’s plants.  I still don’t have my California driver’s license.  I’m still in unemployment street (and getting restless).  

Our kids surpassed their own milestones too as Eon learned how to speak English, bike without training wheels and swim.  Although alongside Janine, he still needs to learn how to listen.  (He has somehow managed to learn how not to hear things he doesn’t want to hear.)  Yanice left grade school for middle school and progressed to an A-student!  Janine learned to walk, talk, sing and discovered the joys of baby dolls, Barney and TV.   

I treasure this year for so many wonderful reasons.  I enjoyed the time I have with my children and family.  I learned how necessary patience is and how despite the wonders of motherhood I still need occassional breaks.   It’s been a trying and exciting year. 

 I’ve been considerably challenged in terms of my ability to handle stress (read as, times when my husband travels) and stay calm (read as, why do my kids hang on my legs and start talking each time I’m on the phone?)

 We’re also making a very big leap as we move to warm San Diego.   It will be a fresh start for my husband and me.  I look forward to the changes, challenges and renovations.

I’ve recently received my permanent resident card and in this card I’m using my married name. Over the week, I’ve been to Social Security and Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for name change. The whole process was methodical. While it’s only logical to have one name in all my primary identification cards, I’m suddenly struck at the feeling that I have somehow lost a part of myself. It’s just a strange feeling. I’ve been married for more than half a year and I guess, I should have been ready for this but I realized that it’s not just the name change that I was unprepared for.

Married life is challenging and interesting. Because I started rather early and very few of my friends are married like me, I found myself aching to have someone whom I can share my thoughts and experiences with about my married life. I can talk to my husband about these stuff but it’s just different to talk about some things with someone not involve in the marital relationship. It gives you (perhaps) a different perspective and sometimes the contrast and comparisons in relationships just help you understand or appreciate your relationship better. But this not really the subject in discussion.

I’ve had to deal with the US government a few times already and I must say that despite the sour disposition of some “civil” servants, it’s efficiency is a notch much higher than my home country, Philippines. I remember the web of rules and the pile of paper that I needed to go through for a minor name correction in my birth certificate. Not to mention the endless number of times that you need to fall in line and follow-up your case at the National Statistics Office. In simple terms, it’s a nightmare. I had to go through it twice for myself and my daughter. Ugh. Just thinking about it brings back the feeling of impatience, frustration and then resignation that things are just the way they are — snail-pace slow, inefficient, red-tape that is miles in length and miserable “civil” servants who are not to happy with their jobs.

There was some confusion about which my middle name is. In the Philippines, the middle name is maiden name. Whereas here, the “second” name is the middle name. I have two names as my “first name” and managed to retain my maiden name as middle name thus resulting to four names altogether! But then, I just had to keep my Filipino name intact otherwise I might need to go through the lengthy process of reconciling my Philippine and US identities.